Archive for July, 2007

About Quitting

July 25, 2007

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 18 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “take another drink”! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pop out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “take another drink”!

The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father thanks God.

The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left…. then to the right…. right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs into him and kills him. The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief. The bartender comes over, pats him on the shoulder, and says “I knew he should have quit while he was a head.”

About Tattoos & Guns

July 18, 2007

A gunfighter goes in a tattoo parlor and says, “Give me a tattoo!”

“Of what?” asks the artist.

“Anything that fits my style,” says the gunfighter so the tattoo artists draws a tattoo of his silver revolver.

After getting up the gunfighter looks at his new tattoo in the mirror and suddenly turns and shoots the tattoo artist. As he lays dying he gasps “WHY?”

“Because” the gunfighter drawls, “nobody draws a gun on me and lives to tell of it!”

 This joke is a courtesy of Jeremy. Thanks!

About Luck

July 11, 2007

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”

“What dear?” She asked gently.

“I think you bring me bad luck.”

About Independence Day

July 4, 2007

Two for the 4th of July! 

Q. What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?

A. Yankee Poodle!

Q. What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?

A. A bald beagle!